For The Love Of Soaps: Marlena And John Try To Tie The Knot Again

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Days Of Our Lives: The week begins with Kate still pointing her gun at Ted. She admits to already committing murder, so she has no choice to shoot him (admitting a felony to a lawyer is not the safest move). She calls Will to tell him Ted won’t be worrying anyone anymore; yet, we don’t see a body or any blood. I hope Ted is alive because he’s an important lynchpin of several plots.

Sonny tries to talk Will into getting back together with him. Will tells Sonny he loves Paul and doesn’t want to be with him. Oddly enough, at the wedding, his memory comes back, where he remembers saying his vows to Sonny and his feelings come back. When he tells Sonny he remembers everything, they kiss outside of the wedding venue and his relationship with Paul is in major crisis.

Marlena and John have serious issues before their wedding. On the eve of their wedding, Marlena receives a creepy gift from an unnamed person. She opens a box to find a personalized Barbie doll, dressed in her wedding garb. This doll is miles past acceptable, and Marlena should have just thrown it into the garbage. However, John lightens the mood by mocking the gift, which only makes Marlena more uncomfortable. Read the room, John, jeez. Though when she is focused on the fact that neither of her daughters will be at the wedding, for once John has a smooth response, telling her “bad luck is no match for true love.”

Marlena and the girls have the most boring bachelorette party of all time, painting as a group. Luckily, the weirdest character on the cast shows up to brighten the mood. Susan Banks comes back to town, asking Marlena if she liked her doll. Susan looks like a demented kindergarten teacher with an odd bead-necklace and oversized glasses. Secondly, she practically begs her way into attending the wedding. After Marlena tells her she can come, she brings out the tarot cards. Claire draws the death card and Marlena draws the lovers card. While Claire doesn’t die, Susan realizes that the lovers card was upside down, which means the wedding is doomed. As crazy as she is, her cards at least realized that this wedding is troubled.

At the bachelor party, the guys are having beers together. John decides he wants to go outside and play catch with his son, Paul. After a couple throws, John asks Paul to help him live his dream of catching a 100-mph fastball. As Paul is throwing the ball, John gets distracted and takes the pitch directly in the eye. Moments later, his eye blows up like a balloon, red and puffy. Luckily for John, Valerie utilizes her makeup skills to make his eye look perfect once again. Regardless of the fix, every viewer knew that playing catch was a bad idea, especially on the night before a wedding. John needs to start thinking more intelligently about his life decisions. The other issue is no one thinks to call the hospital. John just got hit in the face with a baseball; clearly, he needs some sort of medical attention. Last time I checked, makeup doesn’t fix concussions.

The day of the wedding, everything is running smoothly. Kayla sends Susan to center the centerpieces, which everyone giggles at together. John worries because Marlena is late; however, eventually, Eric and Brady walk her down the aisle towards him. After they say their vows, Sami appears suddenly, looking disheveled. She tells them they can’t get married and need to run for their lives, because someone is going to kill them. The killer turns out to be Susan, and after a short scuffle, Susan reveals herself to be Kristen DiMera, who has a pistol. How did she sneak a pistol into the wedding venue? As the episode ends, a shot is fired from her gun, but we’re left wondering if anyone was shot. This was a really convoluted plot, with too many red flags. Kristen, someone who was visibly unhinged, was left alone for entirely too much time. Why did Marlena let her go to the wedding? Why did no one tell Marlena that was a bad decision? It just seems like too many people were holding back their advice for this to happen in a logical sense.

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General Hospital: Lovely Peter finds his way back into the plot, asking Maxie to join him at the Invader. She declines, but he’s undeterred. Peter asks Lulu as well, who initially turns him down as well; however, after evaluating her demotion to puff pieces, she agrees to work for Peter. Maxie is visibly shocked that her best friend would work for a crazy person. Seriously, Lulu, what are you thinking?

Valentin meets with Madeline, who admits Nina’s child is still alive. Then, she tells him she illegally put the baby up for adoption. After Valentin pushes her, she admits the baby is alive but was adopted illegally. In response, she offers to help him find the baby in exchange for Valentin’s help to get her out of prison. Valentin declines; instead, with the new information, he enlists Curtis to help find Nina’s child.

Lucas and Brad are still freaking out about the upcoming custody trial. Alexis tells them that no adoptive parents have ever won this type of trial. This news breaks Brad. He leaves and heads to Charlie’s, where he confesses part of the baby drama. He tells Julian that the birth mother’s baby died; however, he lies to him about the new baby, with a story involving a homeless woman. Why does Julian believe this? He’s a smart person. What are the chances of a homeless person giving away her child at that exact moment? Regardless, Julian agrees to help Brad find a way for him and Lucas to keep young Wiley. He finds the phone number of the birth mother and calls her. Wow. Julian is such a boss. It takes serious guts to make that phone call.

Peter’s proper journalism source, the Invader, posts a picture of Drew and DA Dawson kissing. While she’s angry about it’s publication, it brings about Drew’s interest in her. After her clean background, he takes her out on a date, where they have a great time. The DA invites him back to her apartment, where he finds an important flash drive; it’s the one with his memories on it.

Nina meets with her lawyer, Diane, to sign the divorce paperwork. She isn’t sure if she’s ready to divorce Valentin, and Diane tells her not to sign anything until she’s sure.  Nina doesn’t want to divorce Valentin, mostly because he is so determined to get her back. She’s enjoying the chase.

Sonny reveals the secret about what’s buried under Charlie’s Pub. Shockingly, Sonny admits the murder weapon is buried with the body. How can Sonny call himself a respectable mobster if he’s burying the evidence with the body? Seriously? That is so ridiculous.

Michael heads to his child’s funeral, which is a terribly sad scene. While everyone shares their condolences with him, the pain he feels over his lost child is very evident. Michael’s entire plan was ruined when his child, or rather Brad’s adopted child, died. I really hope someone does the right thing and gives Michael his child.

Franco takes Elizabeth’s children out. When Cameron bullies his younger brother, Franco tells him to cut it out. Cameron tells Franco he was bullied and was saving his brother from the same problem. While Cameron is a spoiled brat, he was right to share his problems with Franco. If he’s going to be his father figure, Cameron needs to be upfront with him.

Sam and Jason meet at the grave of their deceased child. They share a touching scene that brought me to tears. The actors did an excellent job.

Finn and Anna wake up Cassandra from her coma. They demand she help them find the identities of their captors while threatening to put her back in her extended sleep if she doesn't cooperate. She tells them to “go to hell,” which is very funny. Even fresh out of a coma, Cassandra is throwing insults. Luckily for them, Finn’s “antidote” knocks their captors out, and they are saved by Scorpio and Chase. I’m not really sure how they found them but congrats to Anna and Finn for finding their way back to Port Charles.

Kiki is furious that Dr. Bensch is still allowed to work at the hospital. Before I can even start listing reasons why this is wrong, the hospital tells him the bad news: he’s fired. Finally, it was so ridiculous for so many reasons that they were even working the same shift.

Dr. Collins is both at Ferncliff and in the bar with Lucy. I have no idea whether his evil twin or the real version is incarcerated, but one of the versions is screaming bloody murder to be let out. It’s going to be interesting to see which is which.

Performer Of The Week: Stacy Haiduk as Kristen DiMera/Susan Banks. She was able to escape whatever mental hospital she left and weaseled her way into attending Marlena’s wedding. While her plan to ruin her wedding wasn’t fulfilled, she could have shot someone that wronged her in the past. The actress played two characters very well, especially the quirky Susan. She did an excellent job making every other character feel uneasy just by her presence.

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Update: Camila Banus’ (Gabi Hernandez) status on Days is up in the air after she earned a role Fox’s upcoming musical series Star. As an integral part of the cast, we can only wonder how her numerous storylines would wrap up if she left.

According to the actor, Agent Scorpio’s current run on GH will be a short one. Tristan Rogers recently finished filming his last scene for the show, with his status unknown for the future.