For The Love Of Soaps: Everyone Seems To Be Depressed

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Days Of Our Lives: This week opened with Kate pointing her pistol at Stefan, demanding to know where Ted went. He explains that Ted was permanently relocated and will remain so unless Kate plays ball. Kate responds by passing Stefan a manila envelope full of Titan’s business plans, which excites Stefan greatly. He proceeds to brag about his plan to make Abigail love him again and become a happy family with their new baby. I don’t think I’ve ever rolled my eyes this hard in my life. Stefan is delusional if he thinks Abigail is going to be happy with anyone other than Chad.

After last week’s fall, Paul is unconscious on the ground, with no trace of Kristen DiMera. Sami, Eve, and Brady find him and call 911, hoping to save him. While waiting for the ambulance, Hope arrives to get a statement from Eve about the accident. Eve explains what happened with Paul and Kristen but is more concerned with her temperature: “At least hell is hot. You haven’t lived until you’ve been locked in a freezer with sandals on.” Only Eve can see two people fall out of a third-story window and complain about her cold feet.

Paul arrives at the hospital and is immediately prepped for surgery. The procedure goes well, and Paul is unconscious as he recovers until Will talks to him. Paul remembers that Will wanted to tell him something important, which is unfortunate for Paul. Will says he got his memory back and is in love with Sonny. I feel terrible for Paul; he saves Will’s mother’s life and is rewarded with his boyfriend’s confession of loving another man.

After escaping the fall in better shape than Paul, Kristen stumbles to Stefan’s, and asks for asylum from the police, to which he reluctantly agrees. Minutes later, Lani and Eli knock on the door, looking for her. They search Stefan’s house but fail to find Kristen and ask to search the secret tunnels. Stefan declines unless they have a warrant, which they don’t. I was really hoping Stefan would pull the heartless move and turn his half-sister in. Kristen deserves nothing less than a swift backstab. After the police leave, Stefan tells Kristen she has to leave before they come back. At least he has enough sense to tell her to get out.

Abigail returns after a short hiatus from the show. She tells JJ that she doesn’t trust Gabi anymore, which is a strong demonstration of common sense. When she asks JJ if Gabi said anything odd about her, he remembers their conversation when she blamed Abigail for every horrible thing she’s endured since her incarceration. However, he had nothing to say to Gabi. Later, Gabi tries to sneak into Abigail’s house at night, only to get caught. Gabi finally tells Abigail to her face that she blames her for her time in prison and infertility and resents the fact that no one blames Abigail for any of it because of her mental illness. She fails to tell the whole truth, keeping the switched paternity tests a secret. If Gabi is willing to spill the beans about hating Abigail, why not just admit the entire truth? Abigail accepts responsibility for her actions and apologizes. However, Gabi still holds the most important secret from her, instead of fixing the entire situation. She is just as terrible as the Stefans and Kristens of the world but won’t admit how truly evil she is. After her conversation with Gabi, Chad calls Abigail to set up a picnic the following day in the park. While she’s on the phone with Chad, Gabi sneaks upstairs with a large black wig. I don’t know what she’s planning, but it can’t be good for Abby.

Marlena momentarily wakes up, which brings John great joy.  Unfortunately, her consciousness is short-lived as she falls unconscious minutes later. Doctors rush in to save her but cannot wake her up. While they’re able to stabilize her, she can only breathe with a ventilator and no one is sure if she will survive. Belle is responsible for her medical paperwork and discovers something terrible. Marlena has a Do Not Resuscitate order, meaning if she flatlines, doctors can’t try to revive her.

John is having the worst 24 hours ever. His son and wife are fighting for their lives. He doesn’t want to shower, eat, or even leave Marlena’s room. He even begins doubting if God exists, until Eric convinces him to pray with him for Paul and Marlena’s recoveries.

In a new subplot, Eli and Lani flirt with each other at work, which makes Lani feel unsure about their relationship. She believes their shared grief is the only thing they have in common, while Eli knows he has strong feelings for her beyond their grief. After some sage advice, Eli decides to tell Lani how he feels, which she doesn’t respond to. While both characters have small roles, I am very interested in their relationship moving forward. The chemistry is off the charts between them and I think they work well together, regardless of their tragic past.

Confused Bonnie is still stuck at the police station, asking an empty room for help. After telling Maggie she wants to talk to Lucas, he shows up, where we find out he’s the one she wanted help from. After he laughs in her face, Bonnie tells him she’s the mother of his child. I shook my head furiously at this scene as I have no clue how it is even relevant to the story in any way.

Finally, we find out that Steve has been picked up by federal agents for his role in compromising several cases. Apparently, his bionic eye has been recording everything it sees and sending it to Stefan, which is why Steve is charged with espionage. We’ll see what happens with this storyline moving forward.

General Hospital: The week begins back in Ryan’s cell, with Ryan choking his twin brother, Kevin. Once unconscious, Ryan switches outfits with his brother and tells the orderly his brother is not to be trusted. Once he leaves, Kevin is sedated against his will. His situation isn’t promising moving forward as the staff is aware of his brother’s violent nature. Since everyone thinks he’s Ryan, he’s in deep trouble.

After last week’s seizure, Jason brings Oscar to the hospital, where we find out he has a malignant brain tumor. Kim admits these episodes happened when he was young but haven’t been an issue in many years. She continues, telling Elizabeth, then Drew, that Oscar doesn’t even know about his condition and that there is no cure for his illness. No one can stop his suffering. This is truly heartbreaking. Oscar is very young and has so much to live for, but his mother’s reluctance could be limiting his chance to live his best life while he still has one. She should share his diagnosis with him as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, Josslyn plans a surprise for Oscar at their favorite bench in the park, with balloons and streamers for their one-year anniversary. Oddly enough, Cameron is helping her set everything up, even though he’s grounded AND very interested in Josslyn. It only takes a couple moments before he tries to make Oscar out to be forgetful and disinterested in her. He proceeds to make his move, kissing Josslyn on the lips. She is disgusted, references #metoo, and pushes him away before receiving Oscar’s call. She rushes to the hospital to see Oscar, where he gives her the video montage of their year together. They even kiss in front of Cameron, which leads him to throw a temper tantrum that I personally enjoyed. Cameron is a little jerk and writing this sentence is difficult without using more meaningful, inappropriate words to describe him.

Nina and Maxie talk at Madeline’s funeral, where they are the only two attendees. While they’re talking, a hooded figure sits in one of the pews. Neither of them even notice the person, even though every sound echoes in a church. Even when Maxie walks right past the person she doesn’t notice. Pay attention, ladies! After Maxie leaves, the hooded figure reveals herself to be Dr. Obrecht! She tells Nina that she’s there to pay her respects and doesn’t believe the heart attack story of her mother’s death based on her weight and family history. Later, Nina gets a package from her mother’s lawyer containing several childhood heirlooms that help her realize her mother wasn’t as terrible as she thought. The final item, a half-heart necklace, helps her realize that her child is still alive somewhere in the world. This scene showed me that even the worst people can do great things and Madeline posthumously gave her daughter a new hope for her future.

Curtis, under Valentin’s direction, finds the lawyer responsible for brokering the illegal adoption of Nina’s child. He reveals that he was involved with the deal but doesn’t know who has the child. While this man is the essence of human filth, he did all he could to help reunite Nina with her child.

Mike, Sonny’s father, overhears Sonny talking about his concerns over Julian’s expansion of Charlie’s and wants to help. Sonny asks him to calm down and not worry about it but is clearly concerned about someone finding the body in the basement. Sonny gets a phone call telling him that the city council approved Julian’s renovation plans, which is terrible news. The week ends with Mike in the basement of Charlie’s holding a wrench and a flashlight. Is he going to smash through the wall? I know he’s trying to help, but his condition is blocking his sensibilities, and he may wind up sending his son to prison.

Kristina tells her family that she’s staying in Port Charles after breaking up with Parker. Now unemployed, she applies to work for Julian at Charlie’s Pub. Even though it’s a conflict of interest based on who her father is, Julian hires her as the new bartender.

At the adoption hearing, Diane tells Lucas and Brad the birth mother will not be making an appearance and that she is forfeiting her parental rights to baby Wiley. It seems Julian’s threats worked! Clearly, his dark side remains strong as ever.

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Performer Of The Week: Tamara Braun as Kim Nero. In a week full of heartbreak and fear, Braun excelled from an acting standpoint. Her outbursts about Oscar’s illness brought tears to my eyes. My favorite scene was her exchange with Drew where she portrayed pain and the betrayal of her son’s father perfectly.

Updates: General Hospital veteran Susan Brown passed away on Monday. She portrayed Dr. Gail Adamson Baldwin and died at the age of 86.

GH actress Emme Rylan made headlines this week when she posted a picture of her post-surgery results on her Instagram. Rylan (Lulu Spencer) underwent her second surgery to repair a broken nose after colliding with her son.