For The Love Of Soaps: Kristen The Homewrecker

Days Of Our Lives: This week begins with more of Sonny and Will’s confusing romance. Sonny realizes that Will’s newfound memory reminds him of the past they had together. Unfortunately for Sonny, Will loves Paul. After some soul-searching, Will figures out that a life with Sonny, where they can raise Ari together, is best for him. Although he will have to break Paul’s heart, his life with Sonny is worth it. Just like their criminal storyline, this week of uncertainty is boring. I would be happier without Will or Sonny being involved in the future.

After last week’s cliffhanger, we find out that Marlena was the victim of the shooting at her own wedding. John uselessly dabs a napkin on her wound like he just spilled a glass of wine. As Kristen flees, she takes Claire as her hostage; however, Claire escapes her clutches before she gets too far. Marlena is taken to the hospital and almost flatlines on the gurney. Kayla and the others resuscitate her after some really pathetic acting. Kayla puts the oxygen mask near her face and only pumps it once while the other doctor performs CPR right below her neck. The directors must have rushed through this scene or just not have cared at all. After John loses his cool and throws things around his house, he receives news that the surgery was successful, and Marlena is in stable condition. Crisis averted…at least this week.

After struggling with Eric over the gun last week, the entire town of Salem wants justice for Marlena. Somehow, Sami is suspected to have intentionally shot Marlena. Either the writers changed their minds or forgot last week’s scene because Sami did not intentionally shoot anyone. Belle is hungry for blood and blames Sami for everything, citing her past selfish actions. Belle even slaps her across the face in front of Eric, who breaks up the fight before it can escalate. Sami is taken in for questioning, facing charges of assault with a deadly weapon. After questioning, Sami whacks Rafe in the head with a metal jug and escapes custody. Nothing says ‘I’m innocent’ like assaulting a police officer with a blunt object. This was probably not what Sami’s lawyer would have suggested to her.

Kristen DiMera continues her reign as queen villain this week. After fleeing the wedding, Kristen calls Brady from Eve’s phone. She asks him to meet with her in exchange for Eve’s freedom. He obliges and learns that Kristen wants him back. This is when things go completely haywire. Brady demands to know where Eve is, but Kristen will only release her if he has sex with her. After making several uncomfortable faces, Brady shockingly kisses Kristen and takes her up to John and Marlena’s vacant newlywed suite. Brady and Kristen ravenously disrobe each other and get into bed. Brady gets on top of her and halts the romance, holding her arms down and demanding to know where Eve is. Luckily for him, Eve opens the hotel door (don’t these hotel rooms have locks?) to witness a shirtless Brady straddling Kristen. It’s quite an image for someone known for acting irrationally. Brady’s plan is so ridiculous that it hurts my brain. He could have called the cops, taken her gun away, or any other decision besides seducing a woman who threatens murder as often as most people eat breakfast.

After Eve’s entrance, Kristen, true to form, picks up her gun and points it at them. Moments later, Paul and escapee Sami join the party as Kristen’s potential victims. She then changes character, apologizing for the terrible things she did and everyone she hurt, including drugging and sexually assaulting Brady’s brother, Eric. Sami demands to know where EJ is when Paul dives in to grab the gun from Kristen. The pair struggle and fight so aggressively that they both fly out the window! Will might love Sonny, but he’s not a hero like Paul. The week ends at this point, leaving us to wonder whether Paul and Kristen are dead.

(The real?) Susan Banks screams and runs down Sonny’s staircase to tell him about her nightmare, which she calls a premonition. She says Will is in trouble, but as long as he’s with his “big hunk of love,” Paul, he will always be safe. Sonny might not be the best audience for this belief, Susan. Why can no one on this show read the room?

General Hospital: Unfortunately, this was only a two-episode week because of the holiday.

Jordan, Curtis and Stella visit Dr. Massey for some family counseling. After some niceties are exchanged, Stella goes for Jordan’s throat, blaming her for nephew Thomas’ death. Jordan reveals that she cheated on Thomas with his best friend, getting pregnant in the process. When Thomas found out, he went after that man and was murdered by him. Wow Jordan, that’s unbecoming of a police commissioner. Stella continues, accusing Jordan of being immature and a bad mother. It's easy to see why Stella doesn’t want Curtis to marry Jordan now. Also, top-notch acting by Stella (Vernee Watson), as her emotions were incredibly realistic.

When it’s Jordan’s turn, she tells Stella she did an excellent job raising Thomas and Curtis but resents Jordan because Stella sacrificed so much. Jordan believes Stella hates her because Stella was never able to live her own life and instead spends most of her time trying to ruin everyone else’s. Poor Curtis doesn’t have a chance to speak and can’t be comfortable with the two most important people in his life at each other’s throats. Thankfully, Dr. Massey ends the session and says she looks forward to making progress next time.

After being suspended as a doctor, Griffin finds himself playing detective. He accuses Ava of helping Nelle get Carly arrested, which she reluctantly admits. She defends her actions by telling him Nelle blackmailed her with Griffin’s illegal paternity test, which Nelle found on Ava’s phone. Jesus, Ava. You are not doing a great job of helping your case. Griffin threatens to tell Sonny about her actions unless she cleans up her act. Ava tells him she’ll happily become the monster he wants her to be. Ava is angry, and I fear for anyone who gets in her way.

Kevin is involved with the most confusing storyline on the show. We come to find out that his twin brother, Ryan, is the one in Ferncliff and has a seriously checkered past. He is a murderer, con artist and liar, and he even uses his brother’s identity to get him out of trouble. What a stand-up guy. After talking to Ryan, Kevin turns to leave the room when he receives a text message. At that moment, Ryan’s restraints magically fail, and he assaults his brother with a shove and a knee to the hip. He’s not exactly the most skilled fighter. This scene is hilariously hyperbolized and unintentionally funny.

Brad panics about what to do about the upcoming adoption trial and tells Julian he has no choice but to take Wiley and leave town. Kidnapping charges and running from police is a surefire way to prove how suitable of a parent you are, Brad. Great idea. Luckily for the baby, Alexis brings them into a meeting, where the opposing lawyer shows up without a client. Left with a cliffhanger, you wonder if Julian’s phone call last week scared the birth mother away.

Drew and DA Dawson meet at her place, where Drew sees a flash drive and asks to see its contents. The show only teases us as it reveals a family photo album. Nice invasion of privacy, Drew. After a light scolding, Drew leaves with a kiss and the DA opens her safe, revealing the flash drive full of memories.

In the last scene of the week, Oscar arrives at Joslynn’s house to build a surprise present for her birthday. After getting the pictures and videos he needs, he stands up to leave, but instead falls over and starts convulsing on the chair. Jason tries to help him, but the episode ends before we can find out if Oscar is okay.

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Performer Of The Week: Stacy Haiduk as Kristen DiMera. A back-to-back winner of this award, Haiduk portrays anger, sadness, grief, and insanity effectively in various scenes throughout the week. Kristen was able to kidnap Eve, convince Brady to come to her bed, and shift the blame of the shooting onto Sami instead of her.

Update: Based on the short week, not a lot of news around either show. I'm sure next week will carry excitement on the show and in the actor's lives.